Long Time

I had almost forgotten that I had a blog to update, when I received a mail saying that a guy (who will henceforth be referred to as Lead) had left a comment on my blog. Now, you see, if it was any other guy, I would have taken my time. But a reminder coming from a guy whose post frequency is vertical lines, I simply had to post, and then I decided that I will post on Lead. So here is the story of Lead.

Lead is a very clever nickname devised by one of our common friends (henceforth referred to as Ramen) describing an anatomical part of the former. It is rumoured that Lead and Ramen are involved in a relationship, but then there is this another theory that Lead has a girlfriend back in a place (henceforth referred to as Digland) whose existence has technically not been proven yet, leading to yet another friend Vuthshir coming up with a theory that she doesn't exist.

Imagine an elephant. Now scale it down to human size, and decrease its thickness to half. Now decrease its stamina by a factor of thousand. Make it very homesick. Now, make him sit in front of a TV/Computer Monitor, with a mobile to his ear. Now draw a speech bubble around its face, and type any 10 random words picked from these-
"Shit, amazing, awesome, incredible, shit, movie, scene, shit, acting, blog, shit, sooooo, Bangalore, Sweety is hot, shit, noodle, gay, shit.”

The image you get is roughly what Lead looks like.

Once upon a time, in a place where every fish lived in rivers, there was this place called String where everyone used to go and have dinner, when the food from the king of the mountains used to be bad. One fine night saw me, Lead, and a few other fish (namely PI, Pooj, Babu, and Kayaniv) having dinner there. Here is how the conversation goes-

Lead: “Hey! Have you guys seen this movie called blah blah blah? The acting done by XYZ fish in that is sooooo incredible! Please please watch that movie!

Babu: I will watch that once I get my own computer. Since I have made up my mind about doing this, this will have to happen, and this movie WILL be watched by me.

Me: I am not interested in watching this genre of movies.

Lead: Ooohh! Then you should watch this incredibly amazing movie called blah blah blah blah, which has awesome cinematography.

Me: Ok, I correct myself. I am not interested in watching any kind of movies.

Lead: Ooohh, then you should watch……………………………………………


(This pointless discussion goes on, till the discussion reaches a stage, where everyone is discussing about their rivers)


Pooj and PI (in unison): Our River is super awesome. We have so many fish who can pick up musical instruments at random from the river bed and start playing them.

Lead: I wish I weren’t in Kala River.


(Everyone turns towards Lead, with a shocked expression on their face. You see, in this land, it was preposterous to think that you didn’t like your river, however bad it was. So even if Lead was justified in hating his river that way, he shouldn’t have made his thoughts public, and hence this shock)


Me: What the fish dude. Why are you so negative about your river?

Lead: You shut up. Your vaGOD river is so full of fish who are very talented, and you keep getting such people every year. My river is one of those rivers where you put in all those fish who come from somewhere near bryderahad so that due to the large number of such fish, we die of lack of oxygen.

Pooj: Dude, how many fish in your river can you talk to, like you are talking to us right now?

Lead (thinking):……………………………………………………


(Still thinking)

(After a full 30 seconds)


Lead: There is this fish in my school, who I can greet by saying Hi!

Me: Is that all. I mean....

Kayaniv (all this time, he was silently brooding): Hey, but.........

Me: Shut up. Don’t interrupt me. (Kayaniv gives me a pleading stare, and goes back to his brooding silence.) If you stay this passive, what else would you expect from a river. Let’s take an example. You like playing water polo, don’t you?

Lead: Yes.

Me: But if a guy comes to your nest and asks you to come out and play water polo when you were watching a movie, would you do that?

Lead: Errr…… Errrmmmm……………. No. I would go back to watching the movie. Yesterday I was watching this movie called……………………………………………………….


(After a long and winding description of a particular scene from that movie)


Me: Coming back to where we were, if you don’t go out and interact with other fish, then how do you expect to not feel bored and unwanted in the river.

Lead: But no one I can talk to lives next to my nest.

Me: It never happens like that. Are you so lazy that you can’t swim a short distance, or are you scared that you might pass out on the way?

Lead: Errr…… Errrmmmm…………….


(The conversation continues like this, with a lot of Errr…… Errrmmmm……………. from Lead, till it reaches a point where everyone discusses about what they want to do. I will skip to the most interesting part, which, as you may have guessed by now, is Lead’s)


Lead: I want to quiz, write, play water polo, learn to play the guitar………………….. (and a countless number of other things)

Me: Dude, you have to prioritize and choose which ones you really want to do. For example, when you already know how to play the mandolin, why do you want to learn the guitar?

Lead: But the mandolin cannot be played as a part of any group here.

Me (laughing): That is the lamest reason ever I have heard for learning the guitar, or rather anything. What happened to your creativity dude?

Lead: You don’t talk about creativity. Your vaGOD fish came with up a creative writing entry which sucked balls, because I didn’t understand it.

Me (laughing harder): I stand corrected. THAT is the lamest reason for anything ever.

Lead: Hey, parodying the fish from South India and is sooooo much cooler!

Me: It’s already been done by someone.

Lead: Oh. Shit.


(Here the story ends, because “my creativity ends at midnight” and the time now is 1205)


Elements of the story are fictional, but most of it is true and accurate to a fair degree.

Plumbum, you are going down.



P.S. To know more about Lead, click here